There’s an interesting article in a special promotional section of the Hindustan Times today. It takes a look back over 85 years of matrimonial ads in India. As can be expected, quite a bit has changed over time. It’s fascinating to see how India has evolved.
From fixations about caste and virginity in the 1930s, the focus shifted to education, then to world travel and exploration, then to parity between partners.
In the 1930s and 1940s, a typical matrimonial ad consisted of a desire to find a “handsome, healthy, virgin” girl. “Western fashioned, highly educated need not approach”.
In the 1960s a “family with connections” was a popular request, along with grooms in government service. The 1970s and 1980s saw many ads for “fair, tall, homely, and convent educated” girls (ie. ones that could speak English). Many females started becoming well educated, and these girls were in high demand from educated men, such as engineers and doctors.
By 1990, social status became determined not by caste but by education, and where the family owned a house. Well-to-do families started becoming very fussy about prospective grooms, and started making demands of their own! Non Resident Indian grooms were highly sought after. Ads such as the following were very common: “Delhi based reputed Gupta Medico family seeks alliance for their beautiful, fair, smart, slim daughter 23/5’5 MBA (U.S.), pursuing CPA from US, and working in respected bank in US. Looking for tall, handsome, below 28, well placed professional. Preferably qualified Medico. Match from Status family only“.
Interestingly, nowadays, the attraction of NRI grooms has waned. Many families want to keep their daughters closer to home, and with India’s booming economy, it’s possible for them to find affluent matches right here in India.
One of the most remarkable changes from 85 years ago, is the age at which women are married. In the 1920s, matches were often sought for girls who had just entered their teenage years. “Wanted matches for two Agarwal Vaish girls, one aged 13 Hindi knowing and the other aged 14″ says one add from 1929.
Indeed, my husband’s parents had a child marriage. They’re approaching sixty years old and have celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary! Coming from two villages in Orissa, it was quite a common thing to do. Of course, they didn’t live together as husband and wife until they were mature enough. But they were married, nevertheless. My husband tells me stories about how the other village children used to giggle with his mother, “Oooh, your husband is coming to visit”.
My husband’s eldest sister got married when she was 16, to a man five years older than her from Orissa but living in Mumbai. She told me she spent the first year crying. But now, she’s so happy. It’s obvious that her and her husband have a very affectionate relationship. They run a successful business together too.
Even the way families go about arranged marriages is changing. My husband’s youngest brother had an arranged marriage over a year ago. It came as quite a relief for my husband’s parents (whose other two sons had love marriages, one inter-caste and one intercultural — me!) and the bride’s parents (whose other children all had inter-caste love marriages).
In contrast to the days of old, the couple had plenty of opportunity to get to know each other before the wedding. They went on a holiday together, and she stayed with my husband’s family so as to become comfortable living in their home. She’s a modern girl and was surprised to learn that she’d still be allowed to wear jeans after marriage, and keep working as a fashion designer. A baby came along and put a stop to that though! However, she’s adjusted to it all really well. And, she’s slowly educating my husband’s brother about fashion. My husband’s brother is an interior designer, and maybe they’ll open a boutique one day. It’s been a successful match.
My husband is completely shocked about how much his parents have progressed in their views, from village to city, and what they’ve been prepared to accept. It is difficult for my mother-in-law though, who still has the burden of looking after the house and feeding the sizable number of family members who are always there (and love her food). No doubt, having traditional bahus would’ve eased this burden somewhat.
I’m really looking forward to seeing how arranged marriages evolve in the next few decades. I feel that when arranged marriages are carried out well, they do provide a stable base for married life. It would be a shame for them to disappear, or to become the exception instead of the norm. What’s the Indian perspective on this I wonder?
by
MarryChoice
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