Kashmiri Wedding

         

    

INTRODUCTION

Kashmir is known as "Paradise on Earth", the land of beautiful valleys and snow-clad mountain peaks, stretching plains with flowerbeds and frizzy air. The Kashmiri society has more affinity with the societies of India rather than the other Himalayan people. Structurally, the society is complex and generally stratified and there is a caste system. There is an unique language adhered to the people i.e. the Kashmiri language. Kashmir has a different tradition altogether - the folk-lore, dress, traditions and cuisine. The people are warm and the families are close-knitted. The emphasis is on brotherhood and peace. One can say without a doubt that the Kashmiris are one of the most colorful people on earth. Colorful yet simple.

MARRIAGE THROUGH THE AGES

Kashmir form a distinct cultural and ethnic group - effervescent, elaborate and easy-going yet. This characteristic trend is reflective in their marriages as well. It is the state perhaps with the maximum number of customs and rituals. And to be odd enough, these rituals are more of a enjoyable nature rather than the orthodox type. A Kashmiri marriage also gives opportunities to all the relatives to enjoy and participate in it substantially. Right from the Kasamdry to the Valeema, it's a long list of events and literally speaking a festival rather.

MATCH MAKING

For the Kashmir, matchmaking is a detailed procedure, wherein match is found by spreading the news that somebody wishes to marry off his daughter or son. Rishte (matches) start pouring in for the prospective bride or groom then. Matching of horoscopes (janam kundlis or teknis) is traditionally a necessity. Besides this, importance is also given to the background, status and moral character of the family and their close relatives

COSTUMES

Bridal Wear
The bridal dress is very elaborate for the Kashmiri girls. The bride has to wear a headwear, which consists of a long cap called Kalpush. The cap is folded two to three times and lined with either silk or cotton from inside. Over the kalpush, a long piece white cloth is wrapped at the forehead in three or four layers. A white scarf, called zoojh is wrapped over the kalpush. A snow-white glazed paper is wrapped over this headwear and stitched from behind.

Two pins with black and golden heads are fitted into the headwear. The entire headwear is called Tarang. A belt about two meters long and one-and-a-half meters wide, known as the Haligandun, with its loose ends embroidered, is tied to the waist of the bride.

Groom's Attire
Kashmiri groom usually wears a pheran and the waistband. Other add-ons include a sword at his waistband and local embroidered shoes (paazar) at feet. Custom has it that the groom's eldest paternal uncle (chacha) ties the turban for him, known as the gordastar with a golden thread called dov.

RITUALS

Rituals Before Marriage

Matching of Teknis
The stars and the configuration of the horoscopes of the boy and the girl play an important role in deciding whether the couple should go for the marriage or not. The Kashmiris also believe in this ritual and the horoscope is known as Teknis among them. So, matching of teknis is very important. The astrologer is given the teknis of both the girl and the boy and then it is decided whether the proposition is acceptable by both the parties or not.

Kasamdry

The ritual of Kasamdry entails the formal commitment on the part of the girl's and the boy's families to the marriages.

Ceremony

It is an occasion which traditionally takes place in a temple in front of an idol. The two elderly persons either from the maternal or paternal side of both the families gather alongwith a few close relatives and exchange bouquets of flower.

Food Served

In the aforesaid ceremony, the food is mostly served by the girl's side. They serve simple dishes such as hot milk and a crisp naan. Otherwise, there is the Kashmiri Kahwa, one that is made from special tea leaves and seasoned with almonds and cardamom with Kulchas or salted crisp buns. Alternatively, mathis are served with Kahwa.

Ceremony at the Groom's House

At the groom's house, the women of the family collect. Men are not left behind either. The boy's eldest aunt i.e. bua or pof, would prepare a special rice pudding - Var. Var is a special dish, which is cooked in ghee and garnished with almonds and kala zeera. For preparing the wonderful dish, the pof is given cash as zang (thanksgiving). All the assembled guests and the neighbors are given the Var.

Ceremony at the bride's house

The ritual at the girl's family entails that they send fruits, dry fruits nabad note (a pot containting mishri, 10-15 kg. in weight) and cash.

Engagement

The purohits or priests fix up the day for the engagement according to the Kashmiri calendar. The girl and the boy's relatives and friends are invited at the respective houses for lunch or evening tea.

Serving and distribution of Food

The assembled guests of both the sides are served the traditional and popular Kashmiri tea, Kahwa. The pofs of both the boy and the girl prepare Var and present it to the neighbors and relatives as prasad or naveed.

Gifts from the Groom

Custom has it that a maid servant from the groom's family would visit the bride's house with gifts. The trosseeu would include a ring, a pheran which is the traditional dress of the Kashmiris, the headwear called the tarang, a multicolored sacred thread of colored cotton called narivan, the sindoor in the silver container with a silver stick. These were the accessory part, there is still one thing which the maid has to carry to the girl. It is a cup of cream, garnished with dry fruits, all in a silver saucer. This the maid feeds to the bride with a silver spoon. Before that the girl has to be dressed up in clothes that the boy's family has sent along. The maid would get handsome reward for her good service and good gesture.

Gifts from the Bride

After the trousseau from the groom's family has reached the bride's family, it is time for the girl's side to do the same. So, either the sister-in-law or the brother or the brother-in-law of the girl, accompanied by one or two children go visiting the boy's house. They carry presents such as a ring, narivan, a pheran with tight sleeves and a triangular neckline - known as the taninaal, a turban called the gordastar and a waistband called the louing. The relative thus visiting the girl's house would also take along a silver cup and saucer containing cream decorated with dry fruits and feed it to the groom with a silver spoon.

Wanvun

During every evening following up till the marriage ceremony, a sangeet (music) session is held in both the bride's and the groom's houses where the participants include neighbors and relatives. The guests are served a salted pink tea (called noon or sheer chai) at the end of such singing sessions.

Between the Engagement and Marriage

The girl's side mostly decides the date of marriage with the help of a priest. The thread ceremony for the boy would take place within seven days before the Lagan, specifically after the Maanziraat and the Devgon ceremonies.

Additional Customs

In the period that extends from the engagement and the marriage, if there take place some noteworthy festivals like the Shivratri (Herath), Navreh (the Kashmiri New Year's Day) or the Janmashtatmi etc. The girl's parents are required to send curd with saffron (kong) seasoning to the boy's house. This curd has to be given away to the neighbors and relatives by the boy's family. It is also customary to send sweets and zang in the form of money along with bit salt to the boy's family. On the birthdays (celebrated according to the Kashmiri calender) of either the boy or the girl, if it happens to fall in the interim period, the in-laws-to-be have to send clothes for the girl or the boy, curd with saffron seasoning, sweets, 50-100 bakirkhanis (special Kashmiri bakery bread), cash, dry fruits and salt according to the Kashmiri tradition.

MARRIAGE RITUALS

Livun
Livun is an exceptional ritual found only in the Kashmiri wedding. There takes place the cleaning at both the boy and the girl's houses. For this ritual, a mahurat (auspicious time) is being decided for the respective families.

Serving and distribution of Food

The aunt (bua) of the boy and the pof of the girl may prepare var again on the marriage day. This var is then distributed to all the neighbors and relatives. All these people also receive cash from the respective parents of the bride and the groom as a token of thanksgiving for coming and also out of love. The waza or the traditional cook also arrives on the same day and constructs a mud-and-brick cooking stove. And this stove is mostly set up in the backyard of the house. Meat eating is traditionally forbidden for the Kashmiris.

Maanziraat

The time or saath for maanziraat is decided within the seven days of the lagan time.

Krool Khanun

Krool Khanun is a ceremony in which the respective aunts of the boy and the girl would decorate the entrance doors of the individual houses.

Bath and Mehendi

In the evening the bride takes a bath which involves elaborate rituals and her maternal aunt (masi washes her feet. The bride's hands and feet are decorated with mehendi by her eldest pof. The pof then distributes the mehendi or maanz to all the neighbours and relatives present, who, in turn, give her money for her services.

Devgon

Devgon is the havan which is performed at both the houses. The boy's side holds it in their place, while the girl's side holds it their place. In these havans, prayers are offered by both the bride and the groom which transfers them from the brahmacharya to the grihasta ashram. These prayers are offered to Lord Shiv and Goddess Parvati. The jewellery and utensils which are to be given to the bride are also placed near the sacred fire and duly worshipped.

Girl's Devgon Ceremony

In this Kanishran, a ritual that has a veil held by young girls is placed over the bride's head and a mixture of wate, rice, milk and curd is showered along with flowers by all the assembled relatives. It also has the priest chanting mantras.The bride would then be given a new set of clothes by the maternal uncle which includes a salwar, a full-sleeved shirt, a pheran with upturned sleeves, so that the inner white lining, locally called narivar is visible. This is bordered with a cotton strip and embroidered with a golden thread made of zarbaf cloth. It symbolizes that the girl has become a woman now. She also sports a headwear consisting of a long cap called Kalpush folded two to three times. This is lined with either ruffles, silk or cotton from inside. The Kalpush's upper part is made of zarbaf cloth. The bride drapes a shawl over her head, which is suggestively pinned below her chin. On this occasion, the bride's mama also presents her an interesting Dejihoru. This dejihoru is a gold ornament, almond-shaped, with two holes and is seen hanging from a red cotton thread knotted at the pierce in the middle of the ear lobe. The utensils that have been used in the havan are ultimately given away to the girl once the rituals are over.

Boy's Devgon Ceremony

The groom would also be given a Kanishran. His maternal uncle presents a new set of clothing that has a pheran with tight, long sleeves, a taninaal having a triangular neckline, which has its upper lapel being tied at the left shoulder with a piping called dov. There is also a waistband, one which is made of either ruffle, pashmina with the ends embroidered with a golden thread and zarbaf - the louing.

Lagan

The lagan (the actual marriage) is fixed either during the daytime (dohlagan) or the nighttime (rotlagan). All invitees first assemble at the groom's residence.

Wedding Ceremony

The actual marriage ceremony has the bride and the groom seated with the priest in front of the holy fire. The priest tells them about their duties. Then, there takes place a ritual called the Athwas in which the girl and the boy have to cross their arms one over the other and hold hands. And their hands are then covered with a cloth. A golden thread called mananmal is then tied to the foreheads of both the bride and the groom. After this, the left feet of the bride and the groom, kept one upon the other, are placed on a kajwat (a grinding stone used in Kashmiri kitchens). The first round (phera) around the sacred fire is made by stepping on seven one-rupee coins of silver (placed in a circle), while the other six rounds are done to the chant of mantras. The bride and the groom finally feed each other some food (essentially rice) signifying the end of the ceremony.

AFTER MARRIAGE RITUALS

Vidai

Vidai or departing for the husband's family is also a ceremony for the majority of Hindu marriages. Among the Kashmiris, the boy and the girl would be made to stand on the vyog again. The bride's family's eldest lady gives the newly wed couple Misri (nabad) three times. The groom and his bride are usually taken to a temple as a means of thanksgiving and obtaining blessings.

Satraat

It is customary for the girl to visit her parent's house for dinner the same evening with her husband. This ceremony is popularly known as Satraat. There is also the norm of presenting new clothes to the groom and the bride by the girl's parents. These clothes have to be worn by the couple before leaving the girl's parents house. It is however important to present a dusa or a six yard pashmina shawl to the groom and some salt and cash called Aathgath to the bride.

Valeema or Reception

The husband brings back his wife and her family to attend the reception hosted by his family. An interesting ritual of this Valeema is that the groom's pof then leads the couple to the kitchen where they are made to sit on the mud stoves as the traditional cook (the waza) serves them food(sweet rice or vegetable and curds) which is fed by the pof to both of them. The waza is given some money for the services rendered by him. This ceremony is called dan zang.

CELEBRATIONS

Music & Dance

Music and dance are part and parcel of the Kashmiri wedding. The ladies would organize the Wanvun or the music session throughout the night. The rich families would, however, invite traditional singing groups, known as the Bachkots.


Cuisine

The Kashmiri feast has a variety of dishes like the Dumaalu, a very popular dish of the potatoes and spices, Nadrooyakhni, made of the lotus plant. Chock Wangun is a special dish of brinjals that tastes bitter sweet because of its spices combination. Vyath Chaman and Nich Chaman are two spicy paneer dishes. Nadroo Hakh is a dish made of lotus stem along with Kashmiri saag. These are some of the traditional dishes. There would be other Mughlai and Punjabi dishes also.

SOME STRANGE CUSTOMS

Roth Khabar

Roth Khabar is an interesting ceremony that takes place after the marriage. It has the bride's parents sending a one-meter long, two and a half meter wide baked cake decorated with nuts. The roth is accompanied with a Nabad Note - dry fruits and Shireen. These are then distributed amongst neighbors, friends and relatives of the groom.