Marrychoice.com
Remember that nobody has the power to victimize you but yourself. Nobody can make you angry; it is a choice. Any fight you choose to not partake in will be very short-lived.
When we were young it was the commonly held belief that after a fight good times were coming because of all the passion of making up. I think it went something like “making up is the best part of fighting” or something like that; pretty dumb logic? I think we all know better now!
There is nothing good about a fight; not before, during or afterwards. We get sucked in for some petty reason and pretty soon there is no stopping the carnage. The mind stops thinking as the emotions take over and we react to things automatically. We stupidly say mean things or yell things we wouldn’t say to anyone else. Is that weird? I mean, when you got married you thought here is the person I will love and cherish! Cursing them and wishing them harm is not exactly cherishing them! And after the ammunition is spent? After you give up arguing because you can’t say any more hurtful things or you are just so frustrated by what you didn’t accomplish; Then what? Then you feel anger, resentment, wasted, victimized and mistreated. You wonder if it’s all worth it and you force yourself to get over it; because what else can you do?
There are reasons why you fight. No, I’m not talking about reasons as in he insulted you or she left the tools in the …I’m talking about underlying reasons. No, I’m not talking about him being inconsiderate or she being controlling. The fact of the matter is everyone has flaws, and if you wait until neither of you have any flaws before you stop fighting you might as well resign yourself to fighting for a very long time, and suffer the hideous effects.
Let’s go back to some underlying reasons for fighting. The first and most insidious is that you consider anger to be acceptable (it is not!). There is what some call “justifiable anger.” That is the kind of anger the "devil" gives you permission to have. The "devil's" logic is if you have a really good reason to be angry It must be OK. Naturally the thresholds for sensitivity get lessened, as you get angrier. You can see how this kind of thinking drives you into a Hell, right? You say you don’t believe in devils? That’s fine. Then I have to ask you why it is ever ok to ever get angry? I'll go along and say you must be responsible and control your mind! If you feel anger creeping in or if it hits you all at once it is still a disease of the mind; your mind!
Points of disagreement only turn into fights because of anger. Anger is junk that needs to be expelled from the mind. Continuing a discussion when anger is taking over your mind is like swimming downward when you are drowning. You need to disengage as politely as you can from your true love by admitting you are losing it and it is your own problem. You need to control your mind and put it into discussion mode because fools argue and wise "men" discuss, so be wise and stop the mind from dragging you into the fight. If you are not able to stop the mind you need to politely separate yourself from your spouse until you regain control over your mind.
Some main points to remember are:
- Control your mind-it is your obligation to do so
- Put loving your spouse ahead of any big or little issue that comes up
- If your spouse loses it, be compassionate instead of judgmental- give them space
- Replace the angry words in your mind with loving thoughts of praise for your spouse
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