The Institution of Marriage

 MarryChoice.com

Marriage is an institution in which interpersonal relationships between two individuals, is sanctioned with governmental, social or religious approval. The act of marriage changes the personal status of individuals in the eyes of those authorities that recognize it, namely the State, religion(s) to which the parties belong and/or by society in general. The civil process sanctifies it in accordance with the marriage laws of the land.
Since family is a basic but important unit constituting the social structure of mankind, marriage upholds this institution. It is one of the most significant events that occur between life and death.

A New Phase

Marriage also marks a distinct phase in life, making the path for progress, prosperity and joy through a spiritual journey and a quest to be one with the Infinite. By all that marriage invests in every married couple through societal recognition, it makes way for procreation and nurturing of future generations and influences the social and cultural growth of society.
This new phase of life brings along experiences that help both the individuals mature through intricacies in the realm of relationships and play a key role in shaping a common future.
Marriage is a serious decision in India, and is taken after careful deliberation and understanding of the partner with respect to compatibility of the couples’ horoscopes, the backgrounds of their families (wealth, social standing) and their castes.
The concept of marriage is an integral part of Indian society in India and retains its sanctity, with often older and wiser parents and elderly family-members planning the marriage of their sons and daughters.

Spiritual Relevance

Marriage prepares you to serves three purposes-Dharma (duty towards family and society), procreation, progeny and performance of holy rites. In Hinduism, the latter has its own importance and marriage facilitates the participation of women in rituals.
Marriage is a union of souls and of minds. It stresses on the spiritual equality of man and woman. It is defined by an everlasting commitment between the couple who are going to start a new relation and a new life with each other.
The Samkhya theory states that Man (Purush) and Woman (Prakriti) are eternal and evolve spiritually.
Motherhood is considered a significant stage, and the virtues of a woman, who bears a child, cares and nurses it, has been extolled by Saint Yajnavalkya as ‘Soma gave woman purification, the Gandharva, sweet speech, Agni, perfection and purity; thereafter, verily, woman is always pure.’

Wedding trends

MarryChoice.com

In India a wedding is associated with social obligation, kinship bond, moral value and huge finances. The Indian social dynamics at work reveal themselves when it is conducted. But wedding trends have evolved with time.
The traditional wedding affair which involved family and community participation for weeks on end, has given way to quainter and more personalized ways of celebration of romance. More prominently, it has taken on the shape of a get together for friends and family, the spirit of a great time. Weddings here from time immemorial have been elaborate affairs.
The tasteful and the classy, the original and the distinct have replaced the ostentatious and the garish. Sure enough, the emphasis is on quality over quantity.
Fine-tuning the earlier concept to a different level, the modern wedding lauds attention to detail, a preference for the exotic and creating memories for a lifetime. Sure enough, a professionally handled planned function meets the criteria. The reassuring presence of a wedding planner in the midst of it will ensure your wedding is a special and memorable event with delightful menus or buffets, great selections of table linen, chair covers, draping, lighting, centrepieces and colour themes, white silk ceiling draping, dance floor, guest invitations and place cards etc.
The aim is to captivate the wedding guests with breathtaking wedding décor, artistic floral arrangements, and perfect table arrangements and finally a fabulous party that has your personal mark on it. Shine, shimmer and sparkle rule. Today’s set designs replicate forts and palaces, Bollywood settings of a dream sequence and architectural marvels. The traditional mandaps with puja flowers like marigolds and roses are out.
The contemporary urban Indian culture reveals an ongoing cultural shift with a leaning towards modern urban notions and arrangements.

Locale matters

Cut to a location like a farmhouse, a more exotic location away from the city, an exotic palace and a beachside location all over the world.
Destination weddings are pretty much the norm now. The meticulous planning shows. Care is taken that there are no loose ends, so planning starts months in advance.
The bride and groom do not mind a tuck and trim job especially for this, and showcase the most regal sartorial creations. Your guests will take back huge memories of a grand ceremony.
The grandeur is recreated in different ways, though, sometimes with themes that reflect the weddings of the past. The recent years especially have shown a trend towards bespoke wedding events, which accommodate 200 to 300 people.
The bride and groom do not mind a tuck and trim job especially for this, and showcase the most regal sartorial creations. Your guests will take back huge memories of a grand ceremony.
While earlier weddings boasted of the trappings of five star hotels, a heavy designer lehenga/suit and chunky jewellery with fancy invites, today’s weddings are much smaller but the execution has scale.

Arranged Marriage Subcultures

Categories: Arranged Marriage Subcultures

The institution of marriage is firmly embedded in the Indian culture with an intensity that makes it both fascinating and quaint. As a norm typical of the Indian society, it transcends barriers of social class, education and religion. Marriage has everything to do with karmic destiny and aspires to the holy unions in the pantheon of Hindu gods – Shiva and Parvati.
Traditionally, people heeded the cultural definition of marriage devised by the other keepers of society’s traditions, with its insistence on family, harmony and shared values rather than individualistic notions. Contented togetherness was the idea rather than passionate.
At work was the cultural norm that operated subconsciously – custom, tradition and interests of the family system demanded that new roles and relationships were geared to discharging family obligations and duties, preserving the unity of the larger family and keeping the family values intact, socially and morally.
The idea of holy matrimony though has existed from time immemorial, some of the stereotypes are seen to resurface in the modern times, such as the saas-bahu conundrum (the tension between the ‘cruel’ mother-in-law and the ‘suffering’ daughter-in-law), critical social attitudes and distinct concepts of arranged and love marriages.
Today, the urban Indian psyche has to be understood against the backdrop of changing dynamics of marriage with changing power equation – the modern cosmopolitan male and female are looking for partners with whom they can have more in common than just family approval or the tug of heartstrings. If they find a strong match, they wouldn’t think twice before marrying outside their caste and even communities. The yardstick for happiness has changed – ‘like-minded people’ are the perfect fit.
Marriage is seen to be enriching two individuals’ lives, so the youth today that has had massive levels of exposure to different worlds, relationships and have been there done that at a young age want more than just love – a marital relationship within the nuclear family framework with transparency, element of fun and romance is their idea of conjugal happiness. They like to fend and fight for marital harmony on their own.
Today’s marriage has its own demands with expectations from both sides to be rich and socially conscious, hip but down-to-earth, foreign travelled, hip, suave and possessing the best cars, latest gadgets and vacationing abroad. The partners constantly feel the need to have a clear focus and incentives to make marriage work.

Equality in marriage

The perception that marriage in India is loaded more in favour of men is dying away with everyday cases of extraordinary understanding between married couples in normal marriages.
Along with this, there has been the exposure to western trends via satellite television and the internet, where the western working woman is viewed as a role model for the urban Indian woman, and this trend is slowly permeating into Indian society.”
Gone are the days when women had to maintain an immaculate home, tend to the kids and serve her in-laws without any help from her spouse. In today’s urban society, many men are stepping into a new world of domesticity and homeliness.
This change has been more dramatic in urban areas. It is evident in those areas of society where the woman has received higher education, and is in a managerial post which gives a huge pay-check and demands long working hours and travelling on the job at times. More and more women getting into engineering, business administration, the financial sector, the civil services, and other well-paying and demanding professions has been the turning point of this change in psyche.
For a long time, Indian women have faced subjugation and been relegated to the confines of their house as a homemaker. The younger generation of women finds this in itself motivation to orchestrate change. It’s not surprising that women are now seeking a balance through what has been their traditional area of dominance – their kitchens. It is merely a metaphor for the change that has been sweeping through the metros amongst the urban, middle class of society.
Women of course are trying to seek equality at home with regard to the husband pitching into equal homemaking or sometimes even more than her.” But she also mentions that there are instances where women want to be treated as equals, but also want to be mollycoddled by their husbands in a throwback to conventional husband-wife roles.
Situation like these cause confusion about expectations from the husband, as Navin Ghelani shares, “There are times where my wife wants to be treated on par and demands that there be no discrimination. At other times, she projects herself as being vulnerable and needing assistance and calls it being ‘feminine!’ It leaves me clueless as to how I should approach the situation.” Despite this shift in balances, women continue to tread along the path of equality within their homes.
While men in previous generations pooh-poohed the idea of being involved in the kitchen, many men, now view it as an equal responsibility. There are men who are as involved with their homes as women. “My wife works long hours and works doubly hard to raise the kids. I think it’s unfair to let her do it all by herself. When we both work as hard, why shouldn’t both of us help out at home?” asks Sunil Nair, a travel professional. While Nair may have noble intentions, Dr Bhonsle opines that the current generation of men is coping with this change because of the dual-income scenario.
She states, “While men are far from accepting the role of ‘house husbands’ in India, there is a shift in terms of sharing some household chores. This shift is solely due to the couple making a decision prior to marriage to be a ‘double-income’ family i.e. the women bringing large pay-checks with long working hours, and the husbands pitching in at home to keep the income coming from both sources. It is easier for men to deal with this change in their roles if they focus on the ‘good life’ that the ‘double-income’ can buy them and which they have consciously chosen.” ”
However doing away of clear-cut roles, has its drawbacks as pointed out by Dr Bhonsle who notes, “There is a confusion right now in Indian society, which is in a ‘transition’ phase, with women wanting to emulate the western working woman and the western family system with both genders performing both roles i.e. provider and homemaker; while simultaneously wanting to hang on to the tradition roles of man being the provider and the woman looking into all affairs related to the home. The dynamics are changing in such cases where roles are being demarcated and re-negotiated, and especially finances are under the scanner, with the concept of ‘my money’, ‘your money’ and ‘our money’ being discussed.”
The interaction between these netizens is quite unique – their values are now transaction oriented and more corporate based – the higher the position in the company the higher the salaries and level of lifestyles.
However, she also highlights conflicts that arise due to this very situation as sometimes the focus changes from the ‘good life’ to times when the man likes to view himself and his wife in conventional socially acceptable modes.
No longer are roles demarcated in the traditional mode, viz. – the homemaker and the breadwinner. With roles intermingled, today’s woman has far greater control over her home and professional aspirations. Also, children growing in households, where both partners contribute equally to the household in all areas, are breaking out of the traditional family roles as they are seeing both parents participating equally, undeterred by gender.

Ten Secrets to a happy marriage:

1. Give cute gifts. No better 'bribe' than a gift! There can be a gift for every occasion. Fights, love statements, thank you, can all be expressed with a gift. This all in addition to the regular birthday, anniversary, Valentine Day gifts that are de rigueur.
2. Avoid arguments of in-laws. This is definitely a very sensitive area. Always steer clear if you want peace to prevail. Each partner is always on the defensive where his/her relatives are concerned. So why tread on thin ice?
3. Show your appreciation when given gifts. Say a thank you when you receive a gift. Think of all the time and effort taken in having gone out and purchased that gift. There may be times when you do not think highly of the gift but please even if you have to fake it - show your appreciation. It will gladden your partner's heart.
4. Avoid full questioning about work, business etc. Be there for your partner if he / she needs you, but don't add on to the pressure.
5. Try and identify stressful phases. Make yourself available to your partner at such times.
6. Prepare favourite dishes on and off. A good meal can put anyone in a great mood. And while the way to his heart may be through his stomach... she is no different!
7. In an argument check your temper. Things said in anger leave an indelible impression. Even if you regret your words later, you can't take them back.
8. Let there be a balance between give and take. It's all about reciprocity. You give some, you get some. If either partner is a giver or a taker only, the balance will be lost.
9. Take holidays. Take a break from work and go for a holiday to spend time off together, away from the daily rigmarole. It will rejuvenate your relationship. 

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The Making Of Successful Marriage

MarryChoice.com

Nassim Hassan

The institution of marriage has undergone great stresses in the Western society. High divorce rate and the trend of living together has resulted in broken families and troubled children. The human society developed and refined the institution of marriage over a long period of time. Although scientific achievements have provided the World with all kinds of amenities, the human beings have not changed at a basic level. The human instincts such as joy, jealousy, love, hate, fear, pride and prejudice have not changed over the millenniums. The people still need stable family environments and friends to share life experiences. Being a first generation immigrant, I am always amazed when I read about the divorce rate in the USA. Looking within the South Asian community here, I find the divorce rate negligible. This diametrically opposite situation has prompted me to analyze the roots of a successful marriage. These statistics have led me to believe that unsuccessful marriage is a unique American phenomenon. This problem has started to manifest in the second generation of immigrants who are born and brought up in this country. Since this causes a major disruption in the lives of children who are the future custodians of this great nation, it is worthwhile to study the factors that contribute to a stable family and marriage.
The successful marriages require support systems, common values, and shared aspirations in addition to love and mutual understanding. These aspects are discussed in detail in this article.

Cultural Uniformity
General observation shows that the couples in a successful marriage belong to a similar cultural group. By cultural group in American context refers to refers to Italian, Cuban, Mexican and Irish American groups. The other groups include Chinese, West European and Hispanic American. The culture is a broad term that includes language, music and literature among other things. These divisions may not mean much to European immigrants but they are in fact considered important in India and Pakistan. A cursory look at ethnic newspapers reveals that people or parents are looking within the same group for marriage relationship.
The first generation immigrants generally marry within their cultural background and most of them have stable marriages. It is not suggested here that people should only marry within their own ethnic group. The successful marriages between people of diverse backgrounds require broad vision, maturity and freedom from all kinds of prejudices. As the marriages between diverse cultural groups have started to occur in the second generation of immigrants, so have the divorce rates started to approach American norms. In the USA, marriages are intermixed among people from European origins. There are no considerations for family or cultural background. The differences start to manifest soon after the honeymoon.
A better communication between people of similar background could be the reason for fewer instances of misunderstanding. The people of similar cultural background instinctively understand the likes and dislikes of their partners. For example, some people love dogs or other pets because they always had a dog or cat in their homes while growing up. There are other people who consider dogs and cats as a nuisance that must be avoided at all costs. Some people like to congregate in-groups while others are brought up alone in a calm and quiet home. The differences are obvious if a person goes from England or Sweden to any place close to the Mediterranean Sea.
Role of Religion
It has been observed that religious people have successful marriages. This refers to both partners. If one of partner is religious and other does not share same ideas, it becomes a difficult relationship. The immigrants are more religious than their counterparts in the native country. The people back home in India, Pakistan and Mid East believe that if a person lives in America then he or she must be modern and liberal in outlook. A lot of marriages fail because of this particular misconception. The humanity in various parts of the World developed marriage as an institution and religion sanctified the relationship. The religion provides a code of ethics and standards of behavior that need to be followed. For example, the religious edict saying, " Thou shall not commit adultery" lays the foundation of relationship in marriage for both partners. This factor alone can reduce strain in a relationship as it gives certain level of assurance of commitment to the marriage.

Recognition of mistakes
It is never easy to accept and own the mistakes and saying sorry. The ego gets hurt and people tend to think that after saying sorry the other partner will gain an upper hand. Just by simply acknowledging the error or a mistake can resolve fifty percent of the conflicts. Most of the people who have a stable and successful marriage are very up-front in their relationship and never hesitate to say sorry.
On the contrary, small misunderstandings can resultin irreconcilable differences. The common response is to find equal and similar fault in the partner and reminding that he or she is even a bigger culprit. The preeminent reason in many of such instances is that both partners are not giving up any ground and differences continue to grow. This approach if avoided can result in a harmonious relationship. Forgiving and accepting apology leads to better understanding.

Economic Conditions
Better economic conditions do not mean that only rich people can have a stable marriage. The people should spend only what they can afford. This is one of the major causes of strain in marriages at all income levels. Some people at a lower income level have much better marriages as compared to the rich and wealthy people. The key is to keep the expenses within limits for both partners. In the USA, the temptations are unlimited. Everyday, people are targeted with advertisements for new cars, better gadgets, and idyllic vacations. The message comes across as if all these things do not cost anything. There are promises of no payment for a number of months. The human beings are psyched up to buy the things that do not need and vacation that they can not afford. After few weeks of bliss, the reality dawns when the payments have to be made and there is hardly any money available for essentials needs. At this point in time the blame game starts. In Europe and Asia, people buy the merchandize whenever there is a need. In the USA, the need is created. There are countless examples. A simple one that comes to mind is the cellular phone. Some people need wireless communication for business or personal reasons. However, the marketing of wireless equipment make us believe that nobody can live in the next millennium without it. All of these small things add up. A large segment of population can not afford all of these modern inventions. The inevitable result is the strain on all relationships. The misunderstanding reaches the peak when the primary bread -winner in the family loses the job. On the other hand, the cost of food, clothing and housing is much cheaper in the USA as compared to Western Europe, Middle East and Asia. The people can live comfortably by controlling expenses and by staying married.

Support System
The availability of a support system is a great contributor to stable marriages. The support system is a network of friends and relatives that can be relied upon in case of any misunderstanding. Both partners can discuss the problem with their respective friends. By discussing the problem alone can put it in a proper perspective. In North America, there is a great emphasis on individual growth and independence. This factor alone prohibits sharing of concerns and aspirations with friends. In the Eastern society, the extended family and friends provide a network that keeps marriages on track. The lack of this support system has started to manifest in the second generation of immigrants. The Americans can at least go to a psychiatrist to identify the problems. The immigrants lose the support system that was readily available in home country. They also abhor to seek in any kind of psychological help and thus face a double jeopardy. I have personally known a number of marriages in stress in the USA, while similar relationship would have been very cordial in their own country.
The solution is to develop a new network and also keep the old network alive by communication. The revolution in communication has brought the whole World very close. Now it has become possible to reach out to anyone at anytime. In the USA, one can find all ethnic groups from all over the World. The social and cultural links can now be very easily maintained. I have seen Korean, Indian, Chinese and Pakistani communities all across America. It is now possible to develop a network of friends within one own community who can understand the background of problems.
In South Asian communities, parents, brothers and sisters play a powerful role. If the parents listen to only one side of the story, then the marriage is doomed. On the other hand if they understand and appreciate the situation of other partner, then the marriage is strengthened. I have seen parents listening only to version of their own kids. It is very difficult to accept that their own kids could be wrong because it reflects their own failure. The key for the parents is to listen to both sides before placing the blame.

American Work Environments
The working environments in the USA are very dynamic as compared to any country in the World. The non- stop restructuring, new technologies have a great impact on the society. In order to keep up with the changes, people have to move in search of jobs. The neighborhoods get transformed in a matter of years. Sometimes it seems as if all America in on the move. When the people move, they get away from friends, relatives and familiar environments. The American born people are perhaps used to this kind of life. Most of the Americans quickly get settled in new environments, make new friends and never look back. However, people from the East come from very stable family systems.
The movement from one place to another uproots people and kids never develop lasting friendships. These relationships are a stabilizing factor in marriage. Whenever, there is a disagreement between the spouses, these are the people who can patch up the differences. The big dilemma is now how to reconcile the demands of career with the needs of a stable marriage. A simple advice for people on the move is to develop new friendships and also maintain old relationships. It has become very easy with the emerging technologies of Internet and communications.
Developing new friends can be easily done. In a new place, telephone directory research to look for places of worship and familiar surnames can be very helpful. Our experience shows that even random calling can result in finding very helpful people from any Asian or Mid Eastern countries.

Conclusion
In spite of great social upheaval in social norms during the past century, I find the institution of marriage still very strong. In the USA, people can live together without marriage and have children. The people in USA do not question the private life styles of other people. However, it is a surprise to see young Hollywood stars getting married who are supposed to be in the forefront of new liberal style. A large number of people get married again after bitter divorce. This indicates that there is something in the human psyche that propels people towards making a commitment to marriage. This fact was recognized long time ago and gradually the institution of marriage evolved over centuries. The challenge for our times is to keep the marriage intact. I believe it can be done and most of the marriages can be successful. The institution of marriage is a foundation for a stable society. We owe it to our future generation to provide them a carefree childhood with pleasant memories.

Indian Bridal wedding sarees..

                                   Indian Bridal Sarees are given a lot of emphasis in Indian families. Bridal Sarees collection today has a lot of embroidery and embellishments done on them. They come in various varieties and styles. Zari, sequence, embroidery, zardosi, organza, cut work, mirror work, patchwork, pearl work, kasab, kundan, are all diverse kinds of work, which are available in sari. Although the styles and embroidery of Indian Bridal saris have changed, they have become much trendier and light. Earlier much more heavy work was used, while now the style is rich as well as sleek and light in fabric.

Some of the options of bridal sarees collection are:

• Banarasi sarees are the most popular Indian bridal dress. They have fine, hand woven exquisite zari work. 

• Rich Mysore silk sarees or pure Kanjivaram sarees can be selected in a variety of color combinations and prints. Kanjivaram silk is the typical South-Indian Bridal dress.

•  Kashmiri embroidered bridal wear sarees have a very elegant look and get up. Its exquisitely woven embroidery, very popular with the Marwaari community, gives a graceful look.

• The bridal sari is always beautified with awesome embroidery and embellishment work like zari, organza, zardosy, sequins, cut work, mirror work, pearl work, kasab, kundan work etc. 

• Bridal sarees from Rajasthan encompass elaborate embroidered sarees in vibrant shades. Designs can be ethnic or modern. 

 

• A dazzling variety of tie & dye bridal sarees with the use of rich embroidery and embellishment work are also available. The bandhej sarees give the enchanting color of happiness, and the exquisite mirror, sequins, kundan, zari, gota work etc. add to the charisma. 

 

• Bridal saris feature a great deal of zari embroidery and kundan stones set in floral motifs.

• There are also georgette block printed bridal saree, traditional bridal or trendy saris.

• Italian crepe block printed bridal sarees, leheriya georgette bridal sari, silk gharchola bridal sari are designer bridal sarees.

All brides with their bridal sari and complete hair style and accessories want to look the best on the day of their wedding. And any bridal outfit should make moments cherish able. Like they say, you don't get married everyday.